For couples that have been married for a
long time, planning a romantic interlude usually leads to more
enjoyable sexual experiences. Instead of thinking of calendar sex as
unromantic, they can view it as a form of foreplay.
Act as if you are young again by
sending each other anticipatory texts. Plan what you will wear (or not),
and so on. This may sound ridiculous, but it can be tempting, seductive
and refreshing.
As insignificant as it may sound,
locking up the door of the bedroom can revitalise the sex lives of busy
couples. This is necessary, especially in a home that has lots of
children, many visitors, in-laws and friends.
It may surprise you to know that many
couples are not comfortable or relaxed in their own matrimonial homes
because they are always overcrowded with such guests.
I did a survey of married men and women
who lock their rooms whenever they want to get down. One of them, a
lady, who has been married for 24 years and has 12 children (some
adopted), joked that whenever the family moved to a new home, the lock
on the door of the master bedroom would be replaced.
Another lady says that if couples do not
have a physical lock on the door of their bedrooms, it will be better
to create a sense of boundary by letting the children know that mummy
and daddy’s room should be respected at all times.
Mrs. Sadiat Mohamed recalls her
experience. She says, “I always made sure the children went to bed on
time so that my husband and I could have our time together. We taught
them to always knock to announce their presence.”
Each couple needs to evaluate their
environment and determine the optimal conditions for great sex. For
some, a lock may be enough to create an adults-only barrier. Others may
need to go further to create a sensual, relaxing haven in their bedroom
by banning electronic gadgets, computers and TVs, not to mention kids
and their toys!
Couples who maintain a good sex life
during critical periods in their marriage have learned to make quick sex
something that is good for both of them. If you have not had ‘quickies’
in the past because it takes time to get in the mood, do not
underestimate the power of the mind-body connection.
One of the many challenges that custom
and tradition imposes on a typical African couple is the fact that
sexual enjoyment is a taboo and this makes an average couple to close
their minds to real lovemaking. However, couples who want to have a
solid marital relationship must be open to different ways of expressing
themselves sexually.
Just as with music, where people tend to
mix the predictable and unexpected, couples have to find the right
balance between adventure and convention. Don’t make it boring by being
too conventional. At the same time, don’t be too adventurous so that you
don’t lose your intimacy or level of comfort.
This could mean everything from
positions to the overall attitude you bring to the intimate encounter.
Sex becomes nothing to look forward to when couples always do it on a
certain day, at a certain time, in a certain room with a certain
nightdress and same positions.
Something as simple as mixing it up on
the living room floor or in the shower can add some much needed spice.
On the other hand, get out of the house entirely. Many couples report
that they have the best sex when they are not at home. Mind you, it does
not have to be limited to vacation. Go to a nearby hotel instead. Both
of you can book a room even if it’s only for a couple of hours.
An excellent communication skill is the
major reason why married couples continue to enjoy a satisfying sex
life. As if to emphasise this, Mrs. Ovapoh says, “Before we got married,
my husband told me we would talk about everything, and he meant it.
“There is no other way to understand
what your partner wants, needs or enjoys, other than through
conversation. “My husband also insists that there must never be an
excuse not to have sex. So many of the excuses that most couples give in
order to avoid sex, such as headaches stress, tiredness or arguments,
are some of the same reasons why we chose to make sex a priority.
“It is not because there are no real
cases of tiredness, but since we both are aware of the fact that sex
relieves pain, reduces stress, promotes better sleep and motivates us to
settle our disagreements quickly, we chose to make it an antidote for
any physical excuses.”
Couples beware of excuses, which
directly affect your sex lives and ultimately, take away an important
part of your marriage. Children are not needy babies forever and before
you know it, sex is so far on the back burner that it falls completely
off the stove. Work it out together and brainstorm over possible
solutions to the things that get in the way of great sex.
Are you always tired? Go to bed
earlier. Not enough time? Get creative with the hours or minutes you do
have. However, if the root of your excuses is not fixable with practical
changes (for example, if there are underlying problems or resentment),
consider seeing a sex therapist.
For good sexual adventure to exist, it
has to be preceded by trust. Great sex is a reflection of the overall
rapport and communication between you and your spouse.
To have absolute trust in your spouse,
you have to always try to build each other up outside the bedroom. If
you say or do something critical or disrespectful to your partner during
the day, why would he want to be naked and try something new with you
later that evening?
The moment both of you begin to feel like friends and not adversaries, your sex life will feel more honest and, a lot hotter!
Certainly staying in shape and paying
attention to appearance helps you and your partner maintain the mood.
However, it is not just about pleasing your partner’s eye; taking care
of yourself makes you feel good about yourself.
Yet, your libido is dependent on your
overall health. When you feel unhealthy, tired, and ill or lacking in
energy, you are not likely to be motivated to engage in regular sexual
activity. Couples should still take pride in how they look for each
other do not take anyone for granted.
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